


the finger cut, to save the hand

by pasunedame



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Abandonment, Depression, First Age, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sailing To Valinor, Third Age
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-01 06:15:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17238935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pasunedame/pseuds/pasunedame
Summary: Three women who left, and their reflection upon it.





	the finger cut, to save the hand

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Khaled Hosseini.

_Melian_

I did not abandon them. They were not my people – I am a Maia, no matter what form I took. I stayed only out of love for their king and later, their princess. But the king and the princess passed away and I had no more reason to stay.

But did I not hold their hearts when I became their queen? Did I not become a sister-in-law to my husband’s brother, the aunt of his children and the grandmother to their children? Did I not take responsibility of their well-being when I sang the Girdle into being? Did I not become one of them when I sang and danced and laughed with them? Was it any wonder they took me into their hearts and loved me as one of their own?

I see the truth now. I abandoned my people, and my punishment is that I have to spend eternity with the knowledge.

*

_Elwing_

I abandoned my children – yes, I admit it freely, for it is the truth. But I did not know that when I ran and jumped. My brothers were children, no older than my own kids, and they were left in the woods to die – was it any wonder I saw the Kinslayers and assumed the worst?

I thought by jumping I would drown in the sea and my fëa would flee to Mandos, where I was sure my children had gone. I thought of how alone they were in his Halls, how alone my brothers had been, and falling to my death on the waves and the rocks did not seem such a terrible thing.

But I was wrong, of course. I was saved and flew to my husband in his ship. We brought the Silmaril to the Valar and begged for help, which was given. Though what good that help would be for my dead children.

And then I found out that my children lived, and were now in the hands of one of those who slew my family. 

I wished I had known that.

*

_Celebrían_

They say that I abandoned my children, that I was as heartless as my mother-in-law had been. That I was selfish, and that my love for my family was false – after all, they say, it should have been enough to heal me, and yet it wasn’t.

Do you know how it feels to look at those that used to bring you joy, but now to feel nothing at the sight of it? I walked in my garden and found no joy among the flowers and the trees. I saw no hope of renewal in the withering greenery, only the decaying defeat brought by time. 

My children are all grown. They visited me in my bedroom one by one and gave me their blessing to sail. I had spent countless years caring for my family, they reasoned, and now it was time for me to care for myself. My husband, too, though it pains him. The healer in him had pronounced that there was no cure for my lost joy in Ennor. There was nothing more for me to grow there. They would not have me haunting the halls of Imladris, anchored with a misplaced sense of duty. 

The parting was fraught. Elrond and I looked at each other from across the ship, and we knew we would be reunited one day. But I know not what my children’s choice would be. They share my love for Ennor, and I know from observing my father how binding that love is. 

So I left those whom I loved behind and sail to a land of strangers – strangers who did not know me and who did not love me – so that we can heal ourselves.


End file.
